Something that has surprised me lately has been realising how intrinsically connected eroticism is to creativity - to the extent that I don't know if you can have one without the other. To be erotic is to be expansive, open and curious.
This specific lens of creativity can look like dreaming up new fantasies, how we flirt with each other, how we have sex or build anticipation, and even in our problem-solving skills when we inevitably come up against difficulties in sex. This skill of creativity is one that so many long-term relationships look for when they sit across from me in the therapy room and ask "why isn't sex exciting anymore?" to which I ask "well, where's your creativity?". As a person whose brain leans toward science, formulas and facts, I can give you a framework for why the sex got boring and a 10-point plan for how to fix it. However, there is so much more that can be learned through play, exploration and fantasy in particular, because when it comes to pleasure, it's so much less about knowing and so much more about feeling.
Writing smut has quickly become one of my favourite tools in my sexuality toolbox. Whether you're revisiting a previous peak experience, creating a whole new world or exploring a different self, there are no rules, expectations or judgements about what you put onto the page. This form of writing allows you to drop into what you're feeling and to follow the thread of pleasure and what feels good for you without ever having to leave your seat.
Why write smut? It's a unique form of foreplay from your usual cuddle and grind combo. Not only does it keep it exciting and fresh, it stimulates the mind and builds psychogenic desire, which is desire that starts with the mind. This is important because our brains are our largest and important sexual organ; they run the entire show. With that, it can also be incredibly hot to write for and read aloud to a partner - though it can also feel just as hot and risqué to keep it to yourself.
My favourite element of this practice is that it is a completely low-stakes and non-committal way to explore fantasies, desire and sexuality. It's such a misconception that when we bring up anything sexual or when we experience any modicum of sexual desire, that it must or will lead to sex. This is an awful misconception for a number of reasons and the largest being that it places a lot of pressure on folks to feel sexual desire. When we write or share about our fantasies, it's not a commitment for it to go any further than that unless we want it to. In being low-stakes, it also means it's a great option for folks who struggle with the physicality of sex, for example, due to chronic illness or disability, and that they can still indulge in these aspects of their sexuality.
Back to the creativity side of things, writing smut challenges you to take up space, to think about what you like and even supports you to develop a vocabulary for it. It creates a soft space for you to learn about this side of yourself, while also holding up a mirror for any shame or self-judgement that can come up in writing or reading smut. It's a common hurdle for some folks that there is self-judgement around being 'too sexual', 'too out there' or about the fantasy itself. It doesn't need to be that complex.
Okay, so how do I do it? Hopefully by now, you know that much of my philosophy around pleasure education aims to be non-prescriptive and a create-your-own-adventure kind of deal. My only prescription for this practice is that writing with a pen to paper is a must if you're able to. At least for myself, there is something much more grounding to writing over typing and being forced to stay with the pace of your body, no matter how much you want to rush. Try both and look for the difference. You tell me.
When preparing for a writing session, set the scene. Light a candle, create a playlist and have a drink of your choice. As with all practices, it's about the intentionality and ritual. Leave self-judgement at the door. Do your best to remember that it's supposed to be fun, imperfect and savoured. We're not all Sarah J. Maas. Though a good rule of thumb in the writing world is: if it's not making you blush, try again. It also wouldn't go too far to say that if you want to write good smut, it helps to read lots of it. Reflect on what it is about those scenes that take it up a notch? What do and don’t you enjoy? What makes your heart race and gets your blood pumping?
Here are some prompts to get you started:
Write about one of your most favourite erotic experiences: Think sensuality and pleasure.
Describe what you want to do to your partner.
Describe what you want your partner to do to you.
Make up your dream scenario: What are you doing? Who are you with? How do you feel?
Make up a dream world: Fairies, dragons, whatever tickles your pickle.
Write about a crush - new or old. Give it
Write about a fictional character.
Rewrite a previous experience you had that didn't go to plan. Give it a new ending.
Pick an idea that feels racy for you: Run with it.
Pick a cliché trope: Sexy Teacher, Sexy Fireman, Sexy Doctor.
Explore a kink.
Set a timer for twenty minutes and just write the first story that comes to mind.
This practice of creativity, exploration and play is why I felt inspired to create Sexy Stories. A community-made space for stories written by you, and for you. Whether it's sharing stories of your favourite sexual experiences, you spinning a tale of a secret fantasy or even if you just want to practice your smut writing skills, it's all welcome. Writing out your fantasies is such an intimate and juicy exercise in your imagination, your desire and your eroticism. Also the opportunity to read other people's fantasies? You're welcome. You can dive head-first here.
Happy writing.
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